Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is a game where you connect actor Kevin Bacon to another actor in as few links as possible. For example, Tom Cruise has a Bacon number of 1 because they worked together in the movie A Few Good Men. Jessica Alba has a Bacon number of 2 because she starred in P.U.N.K.S. with John Nielsen, and John was in Rails & Ties with Kevin. Across the movie universe, the average Bacon number is about 3, which means that most actors can be linked to Kevin in three steps or less. Consult the Oracle of Bacon website (http://oracleofbacon.org/), and find the Bacon number for your favorite star. Six Degrees Outside of movies, the same small world phenomenon applies to you and me. Have you ever unexpectedly encountered someone from your past in a distant country? At a wedding in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad, I was surprised to discover that one of the bridesmaids used to sit in front of me in high school math class…in Toronto, Canada. Researchers from Columbia University asked 60,000 e-mail users to reach one of 18 target persons in 13 countries by forwarding messages to friends and acquaintances1. Results showed that most searches reached their target in 5–7 steps. Six degrees is all that separates you from almost anyone in the world. By expanding your network, you lower your degrees of separation, and increase the number of people who can help you achieve success. The purpose of this article is to improve your social skills in a small world that’s getting smaller. One day, maybe you’ll only be a phone call away from Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates.
Let’s Work Together Cooperation helps you accomplish more because you don’t have to do everything yourself. In academia, scientists who collaborate more also publish more papers2. Collaboration lets scientists divide up the work, and build on each other’s expertise. The disadvantage of cooperation is the risk of being exploited by freeloaders. How can you protect yourself? Game Theory is a branch of mathematics that studies situations where players choose to cooperate or take advantage of each other. A classic game is Prisoner’s Dilemma, which goes like this3: Two suspects, Tom and Charlie, are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, so they separate the prisoners and offer each man the same deal: if one testifies, and the other remains silent, the betrayer goes free, and the silent prisoner receives a 10-year sentence. If they both betray each other, they both get 5-year sentences. But if both remain silent, they only get 6-month sentences because there won’t be enough evidence for a major charge. Since the men are separated, neither knows for sure what the other will do. What’s the best move? According to the math, the best strategy is betrayal if the game is played once. But if the game is played many times in a row, the best strategy is known as “Tit for Tat4.” You start by cooperating, and then copy your partner’s previous move. If your partner betrayed you in the last game, you betray him in the next game. Depending on the situation, a slightly better strategy is “Tit for Tat with Forgiveness,” where you occasionally forgive your partner and cooperate, even if he betrayed you in the last game. In the real world, “Tit for Tat” is a useful strategy for avoiding freeloaders. Start by cooperating, but end the relationship if someone takes advantage of you.
Fairness  In humans, researchers have used the Ultimatum Game to investigate how people react to unfairness6. The game goes like this:
In the long run, cheaters never prosper. It pays to treat people fairly. Warren Buffett says, “Act like what you are going to do is going to end up on the front page of The Washington Post because by the time a man is 60, he has the reputation he deserves.”
Trust It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but only a few minutes to ruin it. This is especially true in the diamond business, where thousands of dollars of merchandise may be exchanged on a handshake. There’s a lot of trust involved because it’s tempting to hop on a plane and disappear with a fortune. Although the legal system provides protections such as liens and collateral, many diamond merchants rely instead on a private system of trust and reputation because it’s less costly and more reliable than public courts. The advantages of the private system may explain why ultra-Orthodox Jews dominate the diamond industry in New York, Antwerp, and Israel7. The Jewish community has an arbitration system that mediates disputes, and widely publicizes broken promises. Dishonest merchants are quickly identified and ostracized. Merchants are also motivated to maintain their reputations and relationships so that their children can inherit the family business. Some scientists believe that religion evolved to encourage collaboration and fair exchange8. For most of human history, there were no courts or police to enforce contracts or agreements. It would have been tempting to lie, cheat, and steal. But you were less likely to be exploited if your customers, suppliers, and partners belonged to a religion that advocated ethical behavior. Unscrupulous people may have pretended to be religious to take advantage of believers. To discourage these fakers, religions developed costly proofs of faith, such as restrictive rules, time-consuming rituals, and expensive tithing. The next time you’re in New York, drop by Manhattan’s 47th street and the New York Diamond Dealers Club. The shops and trading halls are bustling with ultra-Orthodox Jews speaking Yiddish, and wearing their distinctive black suits and black hats. It’s a vivid example of how religion benefits business.
Personality Type It’s easier to relate to people when you understand their personality—the patterns they use to interact with the world around them. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is one of the most popular personality assessment systems. Every year, 2.5 million Americans take the MBTI test, and 89 companies in the Fortune 100 use it for hiring and training their employees9. According to the MBTI, everyone’s personality may be classified by four criteria: Extraversion/Introversion, Sensing/Intuitive, Thinking/Feeling, and Judging/Perceiving10:
The table below shows the proportion of personality traits in the general population11. Overall, there are slightly more introverts than extroverts, and more people are sensing rather than intuitive. Women are more emotional, and men are more logical. Also, judgers are more common than perceivers.
Understanding Others In humans and other social animals such as dolphins, elephants, and chimpanzees, special brain cells called “mirror neurons” allow us to empathize with others12. These neurons let you imagine what it would be like to walk a mile in another person’s shoes. Use your empathy skills to figure out the personality types of your friends, family, and coworkers. See if you can associate each of the 16 types with people you know. By recognizing people’s types, you can calibrate your behavior and improve your relationships. For example, judgers expect you to be on time for appointments. If you’re 5 minutes late, they’re steaming inside, no matter what they say to your face. Similarly, feelers respond better to emotional appeals than logical arguments. At the Kellogg School of Management, Professor Adam Galinsky investigated the influence of empathy and perspective-taking on successful negotiation13. Perspective-taking is considering the world from someone else’s viewpoint. Empathy is the ability to connect with them emotionally. In Galinsky’s experiment, pairs of MBA students were randomly divided into three groups: (1) perspective-takers, (2) empathizers, and (3) a control group. One student in each pair played the role of a businessperson selling a gas station. The other student played the role of a buyer. The negotiations were complicated by four factors that forced students to negotiate a creative deal:
Understand Yourself In addition to improving your relationships with others, the MBTI can help you understand yourself. For example, introverts should spend quiet time alone after socializing with friends. If you’re an intuitive, big-picture diagrams will help you learn new concepts faster. When you’re aware of your natural personality preferences, you make choices that are more in tune with who you are.
Reading People  Physiognomy is the science of face reading. Facial expressions are a rich source of tells16. Eyes are especially revealing. When people are stressed, their eyes instinctively float up and show the whites below their irises. Even from a distance, you can easily see the whites of someone’s eyes. Around the eye, the shape of the lower eyelid is an indicator of responsiveness. Flat bottom lids indicate suspicion or resistance, while round or curved lids signal emotional acceptance. Examine the sides of the eye to tell if someone is smiling sincerely17. In a real smile, the orbicularis oculi muscle crinkles the sides of the eye in a pattern known as a “Duchenne smile.” It is a reliable indicator of a genuine smile because the muscle is not under conscious control. Other telltale facial signs include flaring nostrils and clenched jaw muscles when people are angry. Imagine if you could read people’s minds. You would know if they were lying or telling the truth. You would know exactly what they wanted. Until scientists invent a telepathic implant, practice reading body language and facial expressions. When you combine these skills with personality typing, you’ll be surprised by how predictable people are.
Story-telling Actor-turned-president Ronald Reagan was a master storyteller. In his head, he carried around a library of jokes, one-liners, and anecdotes that he could recall to fit any situation18. Reagan knew that people love a good story. Stories capture your imagination in a way that goes beyond facts and figures. Whether you’re making a speech, or chatting with friends, tell a story to engage your audience, and establish yourself as someone worth knowing. There are five steps in telling a good story19:
Human Voice In The Cluetrain Manifesto, David Weinberger talks about how consumers are bypassing canned corporate-speak in favor of “human to human” conversations on the Internet. In an allusion to Martin Luther, the 16th-century monk and father of the Protestant Reformation, Weinberger proposes 95 theses for authentic communication. Here are four of my favorites: 3. Conversations among human beings sound human. They are conducted in a human voice.
4. Whether delivering information, opinions, perspectives, dissenting arguments or humorous asides, the human voice is typically open, natural, uncontrived. 14. Corporations do not speak in the same voice as these new networked conversations. To their intended online audiences, companies sound hollow, flat, literally inhuman. 33. Learning to speak with a human voice is not a parlor trick. It can’t be “picked up” at some fancy conference. Whether you’re telling a story, writing a book, or giving a presentation, people respond better if you speak in a human voice. It’s the way you speak when you’re chatting with an old friend. There’s no jargon or fancy words. It sounds simple, but it takes a lot of practice. Internet entrepreneur Paul Graham says, “The easy, conversational tone of good writing comes only on the eighth rewrite.”
Framing What you say is often less important than how you say it. In a study from Stanford University, doctors were asked whether they would prefer radiation or surgery if they had cancer20. One group was told that 10 out of 100 patients die from surgery. A second group was told that 90 out of 100 patients survive surgery. Even though both statements mean the same thing, 50 percent of the first group said they would prefer radiation over surgery, compared to 16 percent of the second group. The first statement made doctors think about the risks of surgery, while the second made them think about the benefits. In psychology, “framing” refers to how the choice of language can define a debate. Pollster Frank Luntz is infamous for reframing political issues to favor conservative viewpoints21. Instead of “drilling for oil,” Luntz advises Republicans to say “exploring for energy.” Similarly, “international trade” and “free market economy” sound friendlier than “foreign trade” and “globalization.” Sometimes, convincing your audience is simply a matter of finding the right frame. Example of Framing Both circles in the middle are the same size.  Influence and Persuasion For 3 years, psychologist Robert Cialdini went undercover at used car dealerships, fundraising organizations, and telemarketing firms. His mission was discovering the secrets of persuasion. Based on his insider experiences, he identified six weapons of influence:
Giving Reasons When you give a reason for your request, people are more likely to agree. In a study from Harvard University, experimenters tried to cut to the front of the line for a photocopier22. They used one of three statements:
In a follow-up study, experimenters used the same statements to make 20 photocopies instead of just five. This time, the first statement succeeded 42 percent of the time, followed by 24 percent for the second and third statements. When the favor is bigger, people think more carefully about the reason. Still, it’s worth asking because you don’t get what you don’t ask for. Touching Touching someone’s arm for 1–2 seconds might seem trivial, but this small action has big effects on behavior23. Salespeople get more sales, and waitresses get more tips. When teachers reach out and touch small children, there is a 60 percent decrease in disruptive behavior such as hitting classmates and getting up without permission. Touching the upper arm works best (touching the shoulder or hand doesn’t work as well). Names In a study from Southern Methodist University, students were asked for donations to a local charity24. When the teacher remembered their names, students gave money 90 percent of the time. It was only 50 percent when the teacher forgot their names. In medical school, I had a histology teacher who made a point of remembering every student’s name. It’s no coincidence that he was the most popular teacher in the faculty. Motivational author Dale Carnegie once said, “Remember that a person’s name, is to that person, the sweetest sound in any language.”
References
Copyright © 2009 by Paul Lem, M.D. Buy the book at www.MasterLifeFaster.com |
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